Saturday, September 02, 2006

At times, my brain fails me

Sometimes, when I am annoyed at some aspect of my relationship, like missing S to a serious degree, I get so caught up in wanting to fix the problem, make it better, reestablish harmony, that I forget how happy I am just to be dating S. Our "serious dating" was a long time coming, and hard won for me. When he did finally admit feelings for me, I nearly fell over.

We'd been "friends" for so long, I never thought anything would change. Whenever something would happen in my life, I would have the urge to tell him about it, but he was actually always the last person to know anything. If I felt stressed out or in a bad mood, I wanted to talk to him so much, but I wouldn't. He would call and we would basically talk about nothing. But it was good, solid nothing, if that makes sense. We would talk about family, but not personally, and religion, but not individually, etc.

I take it for granted now that when I want to share something with him, I can. I call, he answers, we talk about it, he encourages me or comforts me or is excited for me. Sometimes I randomly text message him, and he messages or calls back. It's great, this level of communication and commitment. I want to remember, though, that it hasn't always been like this. It's only been like this for ten months, and I feel more at peace now with my life than ever.

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