My life, a list

In the next three weeks before S is back, I have the following:

Two classes and the homework involved therewith
Attendance at the Minnesota Library Association conference
A pre-MLA training session
My cousin Matt's wedding to his longtime girlfriend, Shannon
Approximately 90 hours of work
At least two Netflix DVDs to watch each week
Four books I want to finish or start reading

Yesterday evening, I got to talk to S for almost three hours. We haven't done that in a while, since he was out of range for two weeks, and before that, when he was in range, the service would cut out on us every couple minutes or so. Kind of hard to have a meaningful conversation when every other minute the call would be dropped. Last night we made up for that, and my phone even died. It was great.

Beth, an artist?

I was looking for something else online (a comment I made on another site) and came up with my debut as reader with the band my friend Val Snobeck and her husband Andrew Neher have, The Wood Knots.

I remember recording that in their Uptown apartment late one night a couple years ago. I had a cold, and Val made me tea, which was so hot I could barely sip it. Andrew let me do multiple takes with their Macintosh laptop, and all I had to do was read Val's story, banged out on a typewriter with handwritten notes. Good times.

So far away

Went out for dinner tonight after work for a coworker's going-away celebration. Waited nearly an hour to seat 12 at the Olive Garden (it's central Minnesota, okay?), planned on splitting a bottle of wine with one of my favorite coworkers. Chatted, learned my boss loves watching "Jackass" and "Ali G." Said we should all go see the Borat movie when it comes out as a group of coworkers. Totally awesome.

Ordered pasta, of course. Started feeling the wine and enjoyed the conversaton immensely. My half of the table was watching a nearby couple on their date. We guessed possibly a first. It looked so awkward, the girl with her hair in a tight updo, both of them dressed nicer than business casual. Saturday night. We all swooned when he reached for her hand, held it in both of his for about 10 seconds, then sighed when he let go. We couldn't tell if it was a dying relationship or a brand new one gaining momentum, but my sister said it would have gone better if she'd worn her hair down, for heaven's sake.

Now I'm here, in bed reading Stephanie Klein's book and listening to Carole King and wishing I could talk to S so much, but his crew is on the road to Seward from Homer, so it will be tomorrow before I can tell him about my day.

I can't wait to sleep in and knit and watch "Northern Exposure" tomorrow while it continues to rain. I'll make coffee and add whipped cream on top and eat bread all day, probably start another book if I finish the current one. And then it's another work week. Only three left until S is back. I can't help it. I think about him all the time, am so attached to him even with him away, and I'm almost sick of myself talking about him, but he's my boyfriend and I can't help it. I liked him for so long and being able to call him my boyfriend is more precious than anything else to me right now.

Photo update

I added some photos from early August when Angie got back from Ecuador and I hung out at their family's house that evening. The younger cousins were all about the trampoline that night.

Lacking the proper equipment?

I had a moral victory and loss at the same time earlier this week when I started talking to my father about my car. For as long as I can remember, he and my mom have kept track of their mileage and how much they spend on gas, and when I moved out, I stopped keeping track. The numbers are useless to me, and it's a waste of time to write down useless information. When I moved back home and my dad started checking my fluids for me again, he asked, "Where's the little mileage book?"

"Fell out somewhere in Nebraska, I guess," I lied.

I realized then that if I was living under his roof, I should probaby follow his rules. Except this past week, I got angry that I was writing this down every time I stopped to fill up. I don't care if I paid 2.669/gallon two months ago and 2.179/gallon last week. It's inconsequential.

So I told my dad, "I need to talk to you about something. You know my mileage? I don't care. It's my car, it's in my name, I pay the insurance, and I don't care about tracking my mileage. I will write down when I put in oil and check fluids, but I don't want to write down my mileage anymore."

He acquiesed. Victory! Then I asked my next question, "Can you show me how to change my oil?"

He hesitated. "You need tools," he started saying. "A jack and stands."

I was like, "You have that stuff, and I still live here..." but felt more like saying, "You mean I don't have a penis."

His response? "I could show S how to do that."

Defeat.

I wanted to yell, "But it's not his responsibility! And he isn't mechanical! And what do I do when he dumps me for someone hotter who knows how to change her own oil?!" but I didn't. Instead, I rolled my eyes. "Eve knows how to change her own oil," I told him, using the logic of school children.

"Since we use high-grade oil, I only change it once a year," was his next response.

Sometime this year, I'm going to watch him do it, and take notes.

It's another ducky day

Yesterday, Angie and I went to the noon mass at the Cathedral and then to Mississippi Bean for some coffee talk. It was great, got me out of the house on my day off, and I didn't watch any television or movies yesterday. Mostly, I just read (started Stephanie Klein's "Straight Up and Dirty").

I did, however, go shopping at Old Navy. Normally, I am Very Conservative when it comes to money and clothing. But this summer as I packed away my winter clothing, I realized how much of it is from when I was in high school or college, or how it doesn't fit me at all anymore (or never really fit me). I've spent a chunk on new jeans and some winter shirts and sweaters in the past two weeks, plus a dress to wear to my cousin's wedding at the end of the month, but I'm going to rationalize it by saying I got most of it at a discount or on sale, and I had to replace the things I got rid of or were falling apart.

Anyway, talked to S last night, and he seems okay. It was kind of weird not talking to him for two weeks, but it was also nice not being woken up at midnight by my phone ringing. I am so ready to have him back, it's not even funny, especially with the weather getting colder.

More on "Get to Work," my personal/political life

Since I read Linda R. Hirshman's "Get to Work" on Sunday, it seems like every thing I do is political. If I wipe the counter in the kitchen and I know the crumbs aren't mine, I think, Why the heck am I doing this? Or while hanging up my dad's laundry, or picking up my sister's shoes, I'm thinking, Goddammit, I don't want to do this for the rest of my life. Is that what I'm doomed to if I get married and want kids? Ridiculous.

I don't want to take Hirshman's words as gospel truth, but I see her point, I see how my options aren't really options, how whatever I "choose" wouldn't really be a "choice," how feminism hasn't come far enough, into families and marriages. I see how whoever makes the money has the power. I see the woman caring more about housework and losing out more in an imaginary divorce and then doing the (completely valueless) work herself. I don't want that to be me.

I want to be loved and adored by a man, but I also want my meaningful work. And I know my work is important, and I know it's not high-powered and hugely money making the way Hirshman defines success, but it's quite possible that I could make more money than my future husband. I've got eight years of library work under my belt, and I don't plan on giving it up for anything, especially not with the graduate degree under way.

I want what I want, and I don't want to have to try to fit into some Boundless Christian wife model. I'm a believer in Jesus, but I don't feel that this means my husband's work takes precedence over my work. I could care less about the "biblical model," as Candice Watters calls it, when it comes to my resume vs. his.

That's when I just get pissed off, the way I can tell Linda Hirshman got pissed off, and I want to scream and have every woman who's in college read this book as part of that "Life Skills 401" class I think should be offerred at the end of everyone's senior year. Because this is life-changing stuff, and it's everyone's business.

And now, on my one day off this week, wherin I work nearly 40 hours and do graduate school homework and my own laundry and cooking, I am going to attend noon mass at the Cathedral.

Completely unrelated topics entry!

I think I'm going to get back into my knitting sometime soon. I tend to watch movies and knit mindlessly, but lately my wrists have been hurting/tingling, and that's never a good feeling. It's too bad that some of my favorite activities (checking books in and out, knitting, typing) involve my stupid wonky wrists.

On an unrelated note, I plan on being a friendly, customer-service oriented librarian when I grow up and finish my degree. Being kind and "service with a smile" makes patrons want to use the library time and again, and will convince them to vote for more library funding, and on down the line. One smile at a small child, one "hello" to anyone who enters the library, goes a long way toward making an entire library system a place people want to be. For real.

Forget dancing all night, I want to cuddle

Freakin' A! I keep saying that lately, and I don't really know why. It is one of my cute little Bethy quirks, like how, when people come to the circulation desk and say, usually sheepishly, "I think I lost my library card..." or "I think my card is expired..." I have the tendency to say, in a pseudo-aghast way, "Oh dear!" and then I smile and say all the usual reassuring things about how it's only a dollar for a new card if it's lost, and it's free if it's just old! Free! No worries, folks!

Anyway, with the freakin' A. I was compelled to request the book, "The Five Love Languages, Men's Edition" or whatever it's titled by Gary Chapman, I think (I'm not in cataloging class at this very moment, okay?). I was thumbing through it on my break the other day. Mr. Chapman describes (in an overly thorough way, in my opinion) each love language (for review: quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, physical touch, acts of service) and then at the end of each chapter, gives very excellent suggestions for guys to do for their wives (it's aimed at married dudes, so of course I will hand it to S as soon as he steps off that plane in 27 days).

For a time, I wasn't sure exactly which love language is mine, specifically. So I was reading the tips sections to see which one spoke to me the loudest. For quality time, I was like, "This sounds great," and then for "Acts of service," I was like, "I guess..." but for physical touch, I very nearly melted there in the break room at the library. All the ideas would have me a puddle on the floor every day. One of the suggestions was, "When your wife has a head cold, massage her forehead," and because my fall allergies have been bothering me a lot lately, my head is congested and I was thinking, "Freakin' A! Why isn't S here to rub my forehead?!" And the thing is, S is awesome when it comes to physical touch, what with holding my hand all the time and sitting close and big hugs and cuddle sessions.

Also, gotta love Mr. Chapman for writing, in the gifts section, something like, "It can't hurt to say this again guys: jewelry pretty much always works." Swoosh.

That's my only advice: think twice

Now that the weather has turned cool, and I've taken to leaving my window open a crack at night for the free air conditioning, it feels really wrong to be without S. It was around this time last year that I'd gotten my new job at the library and was applying to graduate school and was agonizing over my friendship with S.

Now, everything is as it is, probably as it should be, and I am very happy with the general state of things, but less happy with the specific state of things. I have to remind myself it's less than a month until my boyfriend is back, and there will be more grad classes that are more interesting, and then fulfill myself with books and other happy things.

Cast some light, it'll be all right

Class yesterday got really long and we kept going over AACR2 and the eight areas for book cataloging, and I was pretty much in the know once I'd read the chapter so it felt like a lot of going over things I already understood. Thankfully, Angie went with me to the cities. We'd originally planned to try to get rush tickets to see Joshua Bell at the Ordway with the St. Paul Chamber Orchestra, but after class I was quite hungry as were both of them, and we got awesome food from Carbone's near St. Kate's and then went to the Mall of America. Depressing place. By the time we left for the mall, it was pretty obvious we wouldn't make the rush line in time, so we just went back to Eve and Simon's apartment after shopping and many traffic detours.

Today I did my assignment for class, which isn't due for another two weeks. This class, a lot of work? Pffft. I think I may read ahead, because I don't think I'm going to become overwhelmed with three 5 point assignments throughout the class and one 10-page 25 point paper due at the end of class.

I also started reading Linda R. Hirshman's "Get to Work" today, and I'm going to finish it before bed. I'm definitely going to ask S to read it, too. Reading it makes me angry and annoyed and self-righteous and probably not fun to be around, but it does make me think about my life and my career goals and my desire for marriage, which never hurts to examine from a new perspective.

Crosses all over the boulevard

I am so glad that I have my current job. My boss has been really great about my schedule now that I'm in library school, and he even loaned me his copy of the Anglo-American Cataloging Rules for my class. Have I mentioned how we even have computers for use on our breaks? This place has been really supportive and particularly nurturing for me and my family, considering that Andrea works here, too.

I have the next four days off, which means I have two days to do my homework, Saturday is another class, and then Sunday is also free. This is amazing to me on many levels, namely that my boss said I can just come into work on the opposite Saturdays, which means I will still have off many days in a row. Schweet.

Checking off my list

I have this list of people I need to call, including Marcia from the Minnesota Library Association about my registration for this fall's conference, my voice teacher Marcie, my doctor for another appointment, and one of S's references so I can send off his resume for a job opening. I've been able to cross out three things on my list so far, but the others will probaby have to wait. I got the things for S done, though. Man, what am I, his girlfriend or his secretary? I'm kidding, I actually asked him if I could put in his resume for an opening I found, and he was very enthusiastic, so it's just an act of service showing my love for him.

Last night, some coworkers and Andrea and I took out another coworker for his 21st birthday. Nothing huge, just walked to a restaurant and had some happy hour appetizers and drinks (it was Monday night) and caught the end of the Vikings game (woo! we won!! like I care...). So due to that, I didn't get to bed until around 11:30 and then worked at 8 this morning, so I am debating whether I should call my cousin Angie to go on a bike ride or not. I guess I could call and see if she's around, anyway.

A post about how self-centered I really am

Crapity crap on a stick. I just realized that the Naomi Shihab Nye reading at the Loft that I was so excited to go to with my college friends is on September 30th, a day I thought I just had class and then could hop to downtown Minneapolis for a good old poetry reading and even maybe go out afterward with my friends and the said famous poet who is in literary/poetry anthologies everywhere.

But I was wrong.

I have a cousin getting married that day, so immediately after class I'm headed to the Millenium Hotel on Nicollet Mall.

Man, in my family, cousins get married all the time, but I might not get to meet Naomi frickin' Shihab Nye any other time! Ugh. I will just have to tell myself that she will be back, and she's friends with my friend, so I'll meet her sometime, just not September 30, 2006.

We were in love

Seeing José González and Zero 7 on Friday night was pretty fun. Andrea and I had dinner with Alyssa Knese and Michael Byrne at Leeann Chin where conversation was mostly about Ethnic Wal-Mart which is on University Avenue. After we ate, we dropped Alyssa off and the three of us music snobs went to the show at the Fine Line. Michael, who is the DJ and king of new music among us, kept comparing the show to when he saw Lil' Wayne with Alyssa. I was all, "Why do you keep talking about Lil' Wayne? This is nothing like seeing Lil' Wayne." And he was like, "I only go to raves or DJs, so my only comparison to a real concert is when I saw Lil' Wayne." Criminy.

We all agreed that Zero 7 should have played more old stuff, like "In the Waiting Line," instead of so much new stuff which is okay, but not nearly as chill as their first album. Anyway. José was awesome, and the reworkings of his songs with Zero 7 were pretty sweet. I keep listening to "Veneer" and Michael found a live version of his cover of Massive Attack's "Teardrop," which is lovely.

Staying with Katie Jorgensen was awesome. It worked out really well, even though Andrea and Katie were both sick. We went to Axel's Bonfire for dinner last night after they picked me up from my class, and then got coffee and dessert at Cafe Latte and looked at stuff at J. Crew and Pottery Barn on Grand Ave. Katie is such a sweetheart and I had a really good time even though I vastly overestimated the size of my own stomach.

My first class went well, some familiar faces from my first class were there, which made me feel infinitely more comfortable. It doesn't seem like cataloging will be all that complex to understand. Professor Humeston went over the tools that we will use for our assignments, and her attitude was pretty much like, students make this more complicated than they need to. There is a tool for every task, you just have to know where to look. Cataloger's Desktop is going to be my good buddy for the next three months.

Other good news: S should be home in around 36 days. I am so desperate to see him.

A quote from Andrea on the subject of the Armin Van Burren show changing nights, and she's missing it

"Ahhh! Fudge machine!"

Momentary pause.

"Plus, his tour schedule is: Europe, Minneapolis, Ibiza!"

Kind of hate...

I kind of hate how the biggest change in my life recently is the new Facebook feeds feature. I like it, because I am all about the convenience of feeds (Bloglines anyone?) but I can see how overly detailed it makes all of my friendships. It does save me time, though, since now I can see exactly when Brian Wilken removes specific movies from his interests, like "Heavyweights" and adds "Van Wilder." Also, I can see updated photos lickity split, which is probably the best thing this site has going anyway (uploads! of photos! how novel! Flickr anyone?).

Jeez.

Additionally, when I tried to come to Blogger to write this, I started to type "booger." Booger—the new Blogger!

Listening to Andain in the morning is good

I am so glad that I got to talk to S last night for quite a while before the Alaskan cell service started crapping out on us. Also glad it started working again a couple hours later and I got to talk to S even more. I have this disease called being in love with my boyfriend and it makes it really weird and/or difficult to not talk to him or about him for at least 30% of the day.

I am eating banana coffee cake and drinking cold milk for breakfast. I usually wake up about an hour before I need to get to work, give or take ten minutes. I wash my hair/shower, dress, and eat breakfast. I can skip the shower if I'm running late, but I cannot, under any circumstances, skip breakfast. I need the yummy in my tummy in the morning.

I did a good portion of my reading homework yesterday for LIS 703 (a.k.a. "Cataloging") and I just have one chapter of the Students' Guide to read for Saturday. There isn't a lot of reading listed on the syllabus (oh how I love me some syllabi) so I think the homework level must be pretty high. I think I'll start looking through the Anglo-American Cataloging Rules, 2nd edition (a.k.a. AACR2) so I have some idea of what I'm up against. Although for a time commitment, a class that meets eight times over three months is simply not going to be as intense as my first class, which met 13 times over a month and a half.

P.S. I did actually fall asleep quite well last night and would have slept through except for S calling, and even after we talked for a while, I fell right back asleep. Ahh, exercise. I'm going to do something similar today.

My fortune from tonight's meal: "You will get a great deal on a major purchase."

After a huge dinner of Chinese buffet with my parents, I knew I had to do something active and get out of the house or I would surely fall asleep on the couch while watching the BBC version of Dickens' "Bleak House" and then not be able to sleep normally tonight. So I hopped on my mom's bike and pedalled over to my aunt and uncle's house in order to find a cousin with whom to go on a bike ride.

None of my older cousins were home, and I was on the driveway talking to my little cousins, saying, "Does anyone want to go on a ride with me?" This turned into me biking behind my 13-year-old cousin Emily and her friend Kristin to Oak Hill School's playground, about two miles away, where we met up with my uncle Frank and Nick and Maggie, my two younger cousins, with another friend, Grant, and played on the massive playground equipment for a good long time, then biked back.

Now I am sufficiently well-exercised for today, since I also exercised this morning. I hope I can get to sleep and be all right for my work week ahead. But first, starting another book...

Definitely not gonna buy that book by Wilkie Collins he tried to read

I'm loving The Polysyllabic Spree by Nick Hornby right now. I only have about 20 pages left, and I am so sad to see them go. It's combining my love for all things British, books about books, and—this summer—football (U.S. vernacular: soccer). Weirdly, I haven't read many of the books Hornby mentions in his Believer columns, but I have read J.D. Salinger and The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time and my share of Dickens, so it's sort of a connection regardless. It isn't literary, it's just so frickin' good.

And I haven't ever read another Nick Hornby book in my life, though I have seen the British version of "Fever Pitch" and "About a Boy" and even "High Fidelity."

In a bit, I am headed out into the rain to meet up for my friend Jenna's Barnes & Noble going-away party, but I am so tired that I will probably stay for about an hour and then come home and crash into bed. Because that usually goes so well for me. Scoff.

At times, my brain fails me

Sometimes, when I am annoyed at some aspect of my relationship, like missing S to a serious degree, I get so caught up in wanting to fix the problem, make it better, reestablish harmony, that I forget how happy I am just to be dating S. Our "serious dating" was a long time coming, and hard won for me. When he did finally admit feelings for me, I nearly fell over.

We'd been "friends" for so long, I never thought anything would change. Whenever something would happen in my life, I would have the urge to tell him about it, but he was actually always the last person to know anything. If I felt stressed out or in a bad mood, I wanted to talk to him so much, but I wouldn't. He would call and we would basically talk about nothing. But it was good, solid nothing, if that makes sense. We would talk about family, but not personally, and religion, but not individually, etc.

I take it for granted now that when I want to share something with him, I can. I call, he answers, we talk about it, he encourages me or comforts me or is excited for me. Sometimes I randomly text message him, and he messages or calls back. It's great, this level of communication and commitment. I want to remember, though, that it hasn't always been like this. It's only been like this for ten months, and I feel more at peace now with my life than ever.

For future reference (see: October)

I really want to be part of The Smooch Project. Me and S and Cata and Andrea would make some good ones, I think.

Purging

Something came over me and I started cleaning out my closet and my desk and my other desk. I have this really strong urge to throw away things that I don't need or want anymore, and to get my stuff down to a minimum. Gone are lots of old scraps of paper with notes on them, receipts from years ago, and I put a bunch of grade school and high school stuff in a file box to store somewhere else in the house.

The only thing I have a really hard time parting with are books. But the thing is, I don't actually buy that many books, since I work at the library and mainly just borrow whatever I want to read. Exceptions are books I absolutely love and will read again, and I'm not going to get rid of those anyway, so it's a moot point.

After all this cleaning and organizing, I feel gross and tired. Probably will spend the rest of the afternoon lazing around, reading, listening to music, and watching yet another Cary Grant movie.

La familia

Last night I had just finished eating some nachos when the doorbell rang. Normally, our "open door" policy is in place all the time, except that I had been taking a nap and my parents had left on a walk and had apparently locked up before leaving. I answered the door and lo and behold! It was my cousins Angie and Erik, come to hang out.

We had a glorious evening of wine and song and beer and playing Nerts (which is like double solitaire, on crack, played with as many people as possible, in fast forward) and dancing around to techno and talking about how we all love our extended family beyond reason. It was an excellent, wonderful time. I started to crash around 2am, and crawled off to bed.

S "sober dialed" me sometime during the evening, and this morning when he called, said I sounded really cute last night. I was like, when I am drunk, I am even cuter than usual? Not bad to know... and he said that I was like a happy child you want to scoop up and pack away to sweet dreams. Nice. At least I wasn't naughty.

I have a few days off here, and I'm going to finish reading "A Year in the Merde" and start with my LIS 703 homework, reading the introduction to AACR2 and the chapters of the textbook for the first course meeting on September 9. Not that far away; time to bite the bullet.

Names nobody should give their children

Names I like which I will have to use for characters in stories instead of daughters, since everyone, including potential future husband, finds them utterly ridiculous:

Frances
Mabel
Hermione
Petunia
Persephone
Tallulah

Re: the last one. My own cousin Angie said, "What would you call her?" and I said, in what I thought was a reasonable way, "Lulah..." which elicited much mocking laughter.

S likes family names, whereas I am not into naming kids after anyone in particular, would rather give them their own thing. Maybe I could just invent stories of my great aunt Persephone...

I fell in love again, all things go

S informed me yesterday that they were headed to the "backcountry," meaning the Mat-Su Valley and Nancy Lake, where he said there wouldn't be cell service. By now, after nearly five months of his being gone in Alaska, I was like, "Okay, no problem" to the idea of not being able to talk for two weeks or so. I'm a big girl, I can take care of myself, etc. etc. Except he sounded pretty sad about it. I asked why he didn't tell me sooner that he wouldn't be able to call, so that I could have taken more time to catch up with him, offering encouragement and support and so on.

"I didn't want to think about it," he said. So we said our "I love you"s and then he was going to call his dad before they were out of cell range completely. I went to bed around 11pm and expected to sleep through until the morning.

Except my phone rang at nearly 1am.

"There's, like, one bar of service out here," S's voice on the end of the line.

I swear, I pinched myself.

I have no idea if that campground is their base for the next couple of weeks, but even being able to talk to him one extra time is the best gift ever.

The ocean breathes salty

I was thinking, on my way home from St. Paul tonight, about the band name Modest Mouse. I guess I always thought that the name came from some shortened weird form of Modest Mussorgsky's name. I don't know why I believed this, but it seemed logical in a completely random sort of way.

Apparently, according to my research, I was wrong. The line of a Virginia Woolf story is also equally random, though, so I think I gain some points for even an equally weird, though incorrect, guess.

I don't know what I can save you from

Good day at work, short because I stayed later on Wednesday to kind of see a project through to the end. I thought it might be good to rearrange our distribution area, and my boss was all for it, and then—with the help of some lovely library aides—it was accomplished. I really like the result, as it makes the area more efficient, roomy, and it just feels fresher and cleaner after moving things around.

I visited S's mom and grandma after work, and after showing them yet more photos from Alaska, got to talking with Paula, S's mom. I also petted Zipper and admired Paula's flower gardens. It's really quite comforting to feel welcomed at that house even with S away. His grandmother gave me some zucchini bread because Paula said she "owed" me for the treats I've dropped off, so I'm looking forward to that for breakfast tomorrow morning.

I'm headed to the cities tomorrow for my cousin Matt's future wife's bridal shower. Shannon is very nice, and Andrea helped me pick out a gift, and I'm planning to meet up with Eve at her and Simon's place before the shower to hang out a little. My only concern is that the apartment is very near the state fairgrounds, and the fair is in full effect. Como Avenue, here I come...

Really don't want to have a Shirley Jones song in my head, but...

Today the name of my blog is really appropriate. I feel so joyful, it's almost ridiculous. I think it's what known as "being in love." At least, that's what it feels like, and the text message from S this morning didn't hurt, either.

Even serious, potentially completely scary conversations with him don't diffuse into awful arguments. He listens to me, I listen to him, and there's usually a conclusion we can both accept if not be totally happy about. That happened this weekend, and when I was filled with anxiety and felt hopeless, he was there, calling me, telling me he loves me.

If I break up with him, I give anyone permission to punch me. If he breaks up with me, I encourage anyone to punch him.

I wanna pack cute little lunches for my Brady bunches...

Gonna be totally honest here: serious conversations with my boyfriend about kids freak me out. He wants them—sometime, in a vague sort of life goal desire way, probably within the next ten years—whereas I am all, a human freaking being inside of my body? Like that's ever gonna happen, buddy.

I read enough (gag) "mommy blogs" (ungag) to know that motherhood has its ups and downs and it's rewarding and stressful and blah blah blah. Maybe I am just 25 and totally normal in not having an urge to be a mother anytime soon. But in a vague, oh, sure, possibly... in the future, yeah, I kind of do. What the heck? Ah, crap. Labor is one day and kids are the next generation, so it's probably worth it.

I really miss my boyfriend. I don't think I can express it any better than that. I know it's not like he's in Iraq and I can't ever talk to him, and I'm not whining, because heavens to betsey I am just blessed to even have a guy who calls when he says he will and adores me and has meaningful conversations with me. I just miss him, is all, this incredible man who can handle my anxiety and love me all the more for it.

P.S. I also really want a dog.

I think I take after my mother...

So my mom is kind of known for being able to find anything for anyone. When my cousin Simon and his girlfriend Eve moved to Minnesota two years ago, she got them stuff for their households, things like vacuums and tupperware and furniture, for discount prices. When my uncle Frank and aunt Laura were looking to move about ten years ago, she noticed a house in the development near ours was up for sale. Wham-boom, they loved it and bought it.

Now that I know of two people looking for employment, I find I am doing a similar thing for them—searching out opportunities and forwarding them. I've found a couple possibilities for S when he gets back, and a couple for my cousin Angie who was in Ecuador. I know their skills and abilities, and I guess I want to help or at least encourage them, these people I love.

I should really get out of the house today

Yesterday, Andrea and I, along with two of our friends from work, went to the Minneapolis Institute of Arts to see everything, but especially the Alexander Calder exhibit. It was super fun hanging out with the girls, having Chinese food, watching "Calder's Circus" and then heading to Uptown for a little shopping at Everyday People and Urban Outfitters.

I think our next "field trip" may be a day at IKEA, since neither of them have been there before. We went to the Science Museum a few weeks ago, which was excellent, and these fun day trips to the cities are made more interesting in getting to know our coworkers who are so cool.

Unfortunately, it's 3:15 and my sister and Alex, my pseudo-little brother, are still sleeping. It's annoying because I've had to hang out upstairs and be quiet in my own house so as not to wake them. Gah. Plus it's Andrea's birthday, but that doesn't seem to matter to her. Been upstairs watching "A Year at Windsor Castle" and reading. A lazy Friday.

It's like a library

This morning, it's really quiet at work. The children's carnival is tonight, which means no storytime this morning. It's been me and one other coworker until noon, which is kind of intense, except it's not so busy as it usually is on Wednesday mornings.

Two people just now passed the circulation desk and said to me, "Wow, it's really quiet."

One even said, "Like a library!"

Karma police, arrest this girl

Why oh why did I think it was a good idea to take a two hour nap from 7pm to 9pm tonight? Oh heck. My blog is turning into a sleep journal.

Trying to get through "Fall on Your Knees" by Anne-Marie MacDonald, but I have 100 pages to go and I think my friends are still on for meeting tomorrow to discuss. It's like homework, and I'm dragging because, while the book is somewhat interesting, it really hasn't grabbed me.

Lots of talking to S lately, discussing who knows what. He's reading some sci-fi books he had to buy since they were only $2 each, and I think we have a tentative verbal contract to exchange my viewing of the "Dune" miniseries for him seeing the "Pride & Prejudice" miniseries. I think the only thing that could possibly make me a better girlfriend for him is if I willingly, or even excitedly, enjoyed science fiction media with him. I don't know if this would ever actually happen, but if I have managed to find a man willing to watch Jane Austen adaptations, then I am happy beyond all measure.

Ours is not to reason why, ours is but to do or die

Spent the evening watching the end of "Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl" and the final episodes of "Undeclared" with my dear sister. It was really nice, hanging out and talking a little.

I am quite tired after a long day, but I don't know that I will be able to get to sleep if I go to bed. I should not be allowed to think about or talk about serious things before it's time for sleep, because my brain doesn't handle these things well.

At least tomorrow I have something to look forward to: hanging out with Simon and Eve.

Oh Adlai, Adlai, what did you say

After I got home from work today, I was tired and hungry, but my cousin Angie called and so she came over and we hung out for a while before she went to see another friend with "boy troubles." I'm really glad Angie is back, and I hope we hang out more, even more than we did last summer which was only sporadically to do really Angie-Bethy things like going out for drinks and seeing "The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants" together.

After she left, I went to bed and napped for nearly three hours. Maybe I am coming down with something, or maybe I have whatever it is that makes my sister sleep so much. In actuality, my own sister is having her sleep studied at this moment, all hooked up and "looking like a robot," according to a phone conversation she had a couple hours ago with my mom. I hope they either find something wrong to fix, or nothing wrong at all, because dang does that girl sleep a lot. I don't think I could ever sleep 16 hours a day like she does, not that I would even try.

Obsessed with the latest Sufjan Stevens offering, but I haven't told S about it, just sent it to him and can't wait for him to listen to it and tell me what he thinks. He told me about Bloc Party; I told him about Sufjan Stevens. Fair trade?

I made a lot of mistakes in my mind (acoustic version)

I went to bed quite early last night and fell asleep rather soon, so in all, I think I've got close to 9.5 hours of sleep under my belt for today. This feels so much better than the vaguely sleep-deprived less than seven I had for Tuesday's day of work and activity.

I need to nab some breakfast before going to work for a short shift (six hours is shorter than eight! I'm an optimist!) and then relaxing this afternoon and tomorrow. I have tentative plans for having Bloody Marys with my cousin Angie and lunch with a coworker tomorrow before she has to work. Friends are good; I really need to work on keeping connections with mine.

Tag, you're it: the book meme

Taken from the Repressed Librarian.

1. One book that changed your life?

"A Prayer for Owen Meany" by John Irving, literally put into my hands by Mr. Mortrude, my expository writing teacher at Apollo High School during my senior year. I seriously became a strong believer in destiny, that fate aligns things to happen—no matter what. I still can't shake that notion, years later.

2. One book you have read more than once?

"Disobedience" by Jane Hamilton. I read (or listen to the audio version read by the incomparable Robert Sean Leonard) at least once a year since I first read it. I fall in love with Henry every time, and I want a daughter like Elvira, except I wouldn't want to change a thing about her.

3. One book you would want on a desert island?

The Bible.

4. One book that made you laugh?

"The Long Secret" by Louise Fitzhugh, the sequel to "Harriet the Spy." All the characters are so well-drawn for childrens literature, it's astounding.

5. One book that made you cry?

I don't really cry when it comes to literature, movies are more affecting for me, but it's possible I've shed a tear or two when reading any of Jane Austen's novels, particularly "Persuasion."

6. One book you wish had been written? Note: I read this as "One book you wish you had written?" Interpret for yourself as you like.

"A Proud Taste for Scarlet and Miniver" by E.L. Konigsburg, or really any of her books. I especially wish I had come up with all the titles: "About the B'nai Bagels," "The Dragon in the Ghetto Caper," and "From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler." Lovely, all.

7. One book you wish had never been written?

I don't really mind that it's been written, but I could not make myself read "Mr. Darcy Takes a Wife" by Linda Berdoll for the life of me, even though it came to me recommended by a good friend. Raunchy + Jane Austen = heavens no! I am a delicate flower, and cannot read such things. Heh.

8. One book you are currently reading?

I am working my way through the Nick Bantock Griffin & Sabine books, and I'm up to the last one. I can't bring myself to read it and finish off this incredible series, which is written as a series of letters back and forth between lovers. The artwork is beautiful, the words are more so.

9. One book you have been meaning to read?

I have been meaning to finish reading "Middlesex" by Jeffrey Eugenidies pretty much ever since I had to return it to the library years ago because there were so many requests on it. I've always been "too busy" to pick it up again, and I was at least 1/3 through. Someday...

10. Now tag five people.
Simon, Amanda, Melanie, Jessica, and Angie.

Sadness and Truman Capote

Listening to "The Avalanche" by Sufjan Stevens, feeling kind of crummy. I'm not feeling well (lack of sleep? oncoming cold?) and I feel a little sad. I think it's sinking in how Cata is gone, but at least I can always drive to Iowa to see her. It's not like she's back in Colombia or anything.

I have to use different rationalizations for missing different people. Sometimes I tell myself it's not so bad, and sometimes I wallow. I may be wallowing right now.

I've been watching "Capote" when I haven't been sleeping this evening, and I'm really glad I recently watched "In Cold Blood," because this movie really gets into the nooks and crannies of the whole Clutter murders that Truman Capote's story on its own didn't tell. His relationship to the whole story fills it in, makes it make more sense in the grand scheme.

I've long had a fascination with Truman Capote, ever since college when I read most of George Plimpton's biography, which amounted to lots of gossip from that era and social class. I hadn't even read "Breakfast at Tiffany's" when I started reading the bio, but once I had, I had a greater appreciation. I also like the film version of that story, but it's very different, and knowing Capote actually had Marilyn Monroe in mind for Holly Golightly turns my whole Audrey adoration on its head.

Anyway, I recently got my Kurt Halsey order in the mail, and I like it a lot. Don't know what I'm going to do with all of it, but surely someone would like a postcard from me. Melanie? Amanda? Cata? S? Friends, hit me up with your address at beth.ringsmuthATgmailDOTcom.

Missing her

I went with my aunt Laura and cousin Christy to the airport today to pick up my cousin Angie who has been in Ecuador for the last 11 months. I really missed Angie and read her blog whenever she updated it. She taught English and from how it sounds, had a fabulous time for the most part and really wants to continue with that path.

Sometimes I look at my life and think, how predictable. That's not necessarily a bad thing, it's just that I know there are other options, I just don't choose them. I go with the things that seem intuitive. I guess I would like to challenge myself sometimes, but I am afraid of striking out and forging new ground when I know I have it so good.

In other South American news, Cata leaves tomorrow for Iowa to attend school there, this awesome girl from Colombia who has lived with my family for more than a year. I hope she does well, that she can accomplish her goals of working (the university here was not helpful with the work study stuff.. grr) and getting some credits out of the way in order to transfer back here next year.

I guess in a way, Angie's courage and Cata's courage give me a certain amount of belief in my own strength to do something similar. I don't know exactly what that might be, but I can't let my notion of what my life should look like interfere with what my life could look like.

Anyway

The details of S coming back are getting worked out, and it's pretty exciting. I guess I just want one of those dramatic airport welcome-back displays of affection. I want there to be music and roses and running into each others arms, but more than likely, I will act like a dork and S will be just himself, and all the emotions will flood back and be 10,000 times stronger.

More than six months apart is a lot in the day-to-day sense, but not in the grand spending-our-lives together sense. Six months is a drop in the bucket if we live to be 80.

I remember at my grandparent's 60th wedding anniversary thinking that being married for that long would be impossible for me, because I figured even if I got married the very next day, I was already 24, and I'd have to live to 84, and more importantly, my husband would have to live that long, too. I still think it would be practically impossible, and it's not a competition for "years married," but yeah, anniversaries.

Listening to Paul McCartney's "Chaos and Creation in the Backyard." It's awesome.

Tengo la camisa negra

I worked this morning at the branch library where I was an aide for five years. It was a subbing opportunity I couldn't pass up, and the hours just flew by. The branch assistant and library aide and volunteer were great, and we got a lot done in a little amount of time. Branches are so much different than working at the larger headquarters for the system, so I got to do some tasks I don't really ever get to do (looking for holds, training in the volunteer, etc.) and bag some extra hours for the old paycheck.

I got a "thanks but no thanks" letter today from a law library where I had an interview at the end of June. I'm really okay with it, since the job was the night shift, and I'm not sure that would be the best option for me being in grad school and having evening classes. I just prayed that they would find someone really awesome who would love the night work, and I'm sure that they did. Relief.

This evening is a going-away dinner for a co-worker who is also starting her graduate program. I'm really happy for her, since I know she really wanted to expand her horizons, so to speak, and the dinner tonight should be a great time. I didn't get to go to the Holiday dinner this past winter because it coincided with a family gathering for my dad and godmother's birthdays, so I'm excited about hanging out with co-workers in a non-work setting. Last weekend, a few of us went to the Science Museum of Minnesota to see the BodyWorlds exhibit, and it's always fun getting to talk to people and get to know them better in a different environment.

There's no other way, to better say...

For a week or so now, I've had that Natasha Bedingfield "These Words" song in my head. It runs over and over. "I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you!" The sentiment is exactly right for my life right now, but man does that song get annoying.

Since S has been gone for a few days to an area without easy access to cell service (they're working on a road cleanup in an area that is only open during the non-winter months), I decided yesterday to stop by his Grandma and mom's house to visit and show them pictures and talk. In showing them the photos, I think his mom really realized how much I miss him and how much I actually care about him. There was a lot of "aww"ing. When I was there, the phone rang, his mom answered, and guess who it was but the man himself. He called back on my cell phone and talked to each of us for a while, which was lovely. Hearing that little, "Hi honey!" is excellent after a few days of not talking.

Apparently, their crew is headed to Fairbanks on Saturday and is going to be in that area until the end of August, which is good news. The beginning of next month brings us to about two months to go before he's back, but I know he is where he's supposed to be, way up there in Alaska. Such a huge blessing, though, that he's been in areas of civilization and can keep the women in his life happy and unworried.

"Get To Work" and trying to get to work

Doesn't surprise me at all that a writer for Boundless has something to say about this same book that I just wrote about. Linda Hirshman is at least getting men and women alike to think about these issues, whether they are personal or political. I guess every life choice can be seen as both. Every major decision I make in my life has ramifications, however small, for every other woman, and every other man the same.

Oddly enough, I had a job interview today. No real idea of how it went, but I see job interviews as practice if nothing else. I can choose to see them as scary and stressful, or I can decide that it's totally out of my hands and that I've got to relinquish any feeling of control over a situation to the creator of this universe, because ulimately, I have all of absolutely no control over anything except what I wear and do or say to make me look either good or bad during an interview process. Plus, I think I'm a pretty cool person, a pretty excellent employee and co-worker (for the most part, haven't heard too many complaints or had any backstabbing happening at any of my jobs) and I think that comes out in an interview.

Yikes

I got into cataloging for this fall, and I told my boss about it. We're going to figure out my work schedule later, since the class meets on Saturdays and will conflict with my work days. After telling him about that, I expressed my concern that this class is going to be difficult, and he started handing me books and other information. So now I have a stack about a foot high of resources about MARC, MARC21, AACR2, LOC and the Dictionary of Library and Information Science.

Addendum: Just realized I am already talking like a cataloger. FYI, MARC is Machine Readable Cataloging, MARC21 is the newer version of Machine Readable Cataloging named for the 21st century, AACR2 is the Anglo-American Cataloging Rules, 2nd edition, and LOC is Library of Congress. My apologies to non-librarians or librarians-to-be.

And you thought I was a nerd before this. Hoo boy, get ready.

Right now I am really hungry but can't think what to eat. Also, I have nothing to do this afternoon, which is weird. Probably will read and relax, ultimately ending up taking a nap since I slept weirdly (went to bed early, fell asleep quickly, but kept waking up and then had to get up at 6am to register, then back to bed until 8am).

Pretty much unconcerned...

I heard Linda Hirshman on Minnesota Public Radio this morning, talking about that book. I was intrigued, so I requested it from the library. In hearing her arguments on MPR, I kind of had the attitude of "meh, whatever." Her argument is basically that staying home and raising children is not a meaningful life in the way that she defines it.

Her last example in the book is apparently a husband and wife who are both doctors. The woman works family practice part time, takes care of the children the rest of the time. The man works 70+ hours a week in a hospital, taking care of children with cancer while also looking for a cure for children's cancer. In the marriage, they are clearly both doing meaningful work, both have advanced degrees, but whereas the woman has time to dote on her children, the man doesn't. He wrote to Linda Hirshman saying he felt guilty about this. Hirshman's response? He might never find the cure for cancer, but his wife certainly never will.

Ouch.

Whether I will get married or not is up in the air at this point, but let's say, for the sake of thinking about this rationally, that I continue to date S and also continue with my advanced degree, and that S and I get married at some point, and I finish my degree.

First of all, S fully supports my desire to become a librarian. I know that he, in fact, loves that I am in graduate school. He sees me as his intellectual equal, especially if he goes on to get another degree or two, depending on whatever his calling may be. S encourages me in my studies, and is proud of me.

Second, I do not know if S and I would be blessed with children, but children are the stuff of formation. Obviously, right now I am rather selfish, look out for my own needs and desires and possibly my future husband's needs and desires, but overall, I want what I want. This may mean a certain level of freedom, but parenthood is life altering. I can understand some people not wanting to alter their lives in such a way. There would be times of frustration, but I think it would ultimately be incredibly rewarding to be parents.

Third, "my chosen career" is almost completely compatible with family life. Librarians tend to be women, and employers are flexible to a certain extent. Hours in public libraries tend to be either part time or little more than 40-hours in an exempt position. There are many ways of having library experience that don't include high-stress positions. I can always volunteer, work part-time, serve on a board, or audit courses to keep my resumé fresh to protect my job opportunities in case of divorce or widowhood.

Fourth, S is an enlightened sort of man. He would not expect me to stay home all the time with our brood unless I wanted to, and has said he is willing to stay home with children if I am the primary breadwinner. He is A-OK with this idea. I have asked specifically about this, and I feel a spirit of support and compromise in my relationship with this man. He is not there to undermine my career or keep me in the kitchen.

So I plan to read Linda Hirshman's manifesto and see what it's about, but I feel very comfortable with what my life could be like in the coming years.

Whatever happens, happens

In checking the website just now, I found out what my grade is for my introductory class, and what do you know, I got an A. Sweet.

Wednesday morning at 6am, I can register for my fall courses. I'm hoping to get into LIS 703 "Organization of Knowledge," a.k.a. cataloging, but if I don't get into that one, I'll go for LIS 704, which is "Reference & Online Services," both of which are prerequisites for almost all of the other courses. The core courses for the MLIS are apparently notoriously difficult, so I'm okay with just taking one this fall, maybe even just one this spring. I don't want to burn out before I really get started.

Why is Beth's boyfriend in Alaska? (for Amanda)

For anyone who missed the post in April, my dear S is working an AmeriCorps job in Alaska until October. He is a team leader for SAGA/SAYC, which translates into doing trail work (buidling steps, bridges, clearing trash, digging up weeds or hacking overgrowth, cutting logs, etc.) with his crew of 18-year-olds, serving as a motivator and guide for their growth and maturity as they work toward getting their GEDs (Alaska's school system has a HUGE problem of "brain drain," and dropouts are somewhat common—mostly, the smart ones get bored).

He started in April by flying out to Seattle, taking a bus to Bellingham, then taking the Alaska Marine Highway up the inside Passage to Juneau, then was in Skagway working on the Chilkoot Trail. He's been near Anchorage, in Indian, but this week, his stalwart crew is going out on a job in Eklutna, which is on one of Alaska's two main highways, on the way to a town called Palmer. I've become vaguely familiar with the geography of Alaska while he's been there, and since he was originally told by T-Mobile, our mutual mobile service provider, that he would not have service at all, it has been wonderful to be able to hear from him on a daily (if not sometimes hourly) basis.

He's working hard, getting somewhat buff (or so he tells me), missing me a lot, and overall enjoying himself immensely (I think). He usually sounds pretty happy, but keep him in your prayers if you are the praying type. Anything can go wrong at any time and he's usually miles and miles from civilisation.

He's pretty sure his last day is sometime in early October, though his specific plans for returning to Minnesota are very vague. He bought a round trip ticket but didn't know when his last day of work was at that point, so he's got to change that ticket and find something to do when he's back in my area. I'm very relieved to realize that it is nearing the end of July. Fall has never looked so good.

Listening to Nellie McKay after having the album since May

Not exactly, but sort of. I don't buy all of the "called to singleness" arguments. It works as a good excuse to hide behind and not actively look for anyone to marry, but it doesn't take away the desire for a spouse. I certainly want to be married eventually, and I don't hide that desire from anyone except possibly specific extended family members who would then overly quiz and query me. I definitely do not hide it from my boyfriend. So, we'll see. But I like that song, and the sentiment it expresses. And guess who told me about Ms. McKay to begin with?

+10 points for anyone who guesses 19th letter of the alphabet!

A small miracle

S told me a few days ago, actually Wednesday night, that his crew would be headed out to the boondocks of Alaska (actually the majority of Alaska is this way) and might not have cell service for three weeks. I was, admittedly, a little sad to hear this. I have been spoiled in being able to talk to him nearly every day since he's been near Anchorage, which was at the beginning of May.

I try not to take it for granted that he can call and just chat at random points in the day when he has down time. I try to tell him how much I appreciate his attention even when he's 2,000+ miles away.

Then yesterday, he found out that project fell through. His crew is now going to Eklutna instead, and according to T-Mobile's coverage check, there's service all along the Old Glenn Highway where he's headed. God willing, he'll be able to call me, even if it is sporadically.

The whole point of this is that I've been knitting again

I'm watching "Run's House" and knitting, and it's the episode where Reverend Run wants Diggy, his son, to be ready to go to church on time. He thinks Diggy has major indecision because he has too many suits, but when he tells his wife, she says, "He doesn't have that much."

So Rev goes and takes inventory of 10-year-old Diggy's church wardrobe. Run is throwing suits out the closet onto the kid'd bed while he's laying there reading and Diggy says, "That one doesn't fit, that one doesn't fit, that jacket doesn't fit but the pants are okay," and so on.

The good Reverend sits down and asks Diggy flat out, "Do you think if you had more suits, you could be on time?" and Diggy says emphatically, "Yes!" Rev says, "You'd say anything for more suits. We done?"

Diggy says, "Just one more thing."

"What's that?"

"Do I have to put all this away?"

Mr. Blue feels your pain

I remember reading Mr. Blue's advice columns on Salon.com back when they were originally published. His words of advice always seemed helpful, but not necessarily instructive. He didn't give specifics like Dear Margo does, he was just a shoulder to lean on, acting as the parent in some cases, the friend in others, the counselor oftentimes, the patient listener most of the time.

I found out last summer that therapists can offer great advice, even if I don't want to hear it. "Maybe you just make a big deal out of things," I remember her saying to me. I almost dropped my jaw. Me? Make a big deal out of things? Never! Except... well, okay, maybe she was right, but I'm not a drama queen, I just have trouble letting go, dealing with disorder, and other fun stuff, like anxiety that leads to sleeplessness.

This summer, I'm not seeing a therapist anymore. S acts as my confidant for the kinds of things I would tell no one else, and he provides that safe emotional space where I can freak out and "it's okay." Even if he is vaguely the cause of suffering (i.e. missing him and feeling blue), he reminds me I'm where I'm supposed to be, doing what I'm supposed to be doing.

How do I live without you?

So Cata, who is Colombian and lives with us and goes to school here in Minnesota, has been gone to Atlanta since the end of June. Man, do I ever miss her! It's terrible. I have nobody to greet me with "Hola Bethica!!!" and go window shopping with (she doesn't like to spend money, and neither do I), nobody to hug me enthusiastically for no reason, and nobody here to watch trashy television.

"My Super Sweet 16" is on MTV right now, and I'm just wishing Cata would be here to glorify in the awfulness of it with me. That's the kind of thing we do. We watched "The Real Desperate Housewives of Orange County" together when it was on Bravo, and it was awesome. We watched the travesty that was the "Mrs. World" pageant, hosted by Alan Thicke. We watched some of the World Cup together on Univision, and didn't understand the commentators except for "cabezaso" which I knew meant "header."

This past year, I would try to watch "Rebelde" with Cata each afternoon and would understand 1/3 of it and bug her with questions. "Is that guy mad?" "Did she cheat on him?" "Why is he acting so weird?" "What does that mean?" and on and on. Finally, she would give me the remote and say I could watch what I wanted to watch, but I really did want to watch the crazy Mexican soap opera when I only understood every fourth word.

She comes back on July 30, and I'm psyched. The only problem is, she's transferring schools this fall. She won't be going to the same school as Andrea anymore, she'll be in Iowa at a community college, racking up credits at a cheaper tuition level. She plans to transfer back to Minnesota and get her B.A. in marketing, but when she goes for good, I don't know what I'll do.

Anyone else want to come over and watch television in Spanish with me?

The final countdown

At work, I was saying how excited I am to go to the Minnesota Library Association conference this fall, when suddenly time seemed to stop.

"Oh, man, the MLA conference is going to rock!" I said.

"Whoa, that's really, really nerdy," Joey, a library aide, said.

"NERD!" my own sister said, slapping her chest in salute.

"Wow, I really wish I hadn't said that out loud."

Hints

I bought tickets for me and Andrea to go see Zero 7 in September. I hope it works out for me to go (depending on work and classes). Mike Byrne dropped by last night to drop of some music, and we were looking at the Ticketmaster page for the show. I saw the opening act, and I asked Mike, "Who's Jose González?" and it turned out Mike had just given me the album "Veneer." It was completely random and awesome. I'm really enjoying him, too.

It's something like 97 degrees outside. I think I'm going to go lay in our pool for a while and absorb some of this for January when it's -30 and snowing.

Today is flying by

I'm at work today, and it's going really quickly. I think it's because I've been busy (at the circ desk, answering phones), and also because I'm a little tired. Talking to S last night until past midnight was good, but sleeping probably would have been the smarter choice. Ah, the things I sacrifice for love. Hah.

I'm greatly looking forward to having this weekend off. It's supposed to be wicked hot, and my plan is to relax in the pool, watch movies, and read the book that Sara-Bridgett recommended. Oh, and drink lots of water.

Andrea and I are so going to go to see Zero 7 at the Fine Line in September. Sweet. Also in September that I'm looking forward to (besides another grad class, that is) is the Minnesota Library Association conference. It's being held in St. Cloud, which is convenient, and lots of the offerings look really interesting. I hope to learn more about Library 2.0 type stuff, and there's also a session titled, "Are you the librarian? Library paraprofessionals as professionals." That's me. Awesome.

Definitely an inherited disorder of disorderliness

I went back and labeled nearly everything in this photo. I may be crazy, but I think my messiness is genetic. I once got an e-mail thank you for a Christmas gift from my grandfather in which he said, "Thank you very much for the gift to the 2005 Holiday Wish Book Campaign in my honor! I'm sorry I didn't thank you much sooner. As you may have noticed, if you were in my office Christmas Eve, I needed to clean up my desk urgently."

Love letters and photos

Today is turning out to be a fabulous day off. I got letters from S, which are so great. I needed a reminder that he exists, and he also told me that his co-team leader has tons of photos posted to her myspace page and photobucket accounts. Seeing S having fun, working hard, and all the people he works with made me feel better. I've been missing him a lot recently, and it helps to know that he is okay, and still adorable as ever.

There are no squirrels in Hawaii

Seeing my college friends Kelly and Sara-Bridgett last night was super. It's been months since I'd last seen them (at Kelly's lovely, snowy winter wedding in December), so meeting up at Granite City Brewery in Maple Grove was much needed. We talked about weddings, writing, the SIMS, marriage, nieces and nephews (Kelly's and Sara's, not mine) and so on. We have loose plans to read a book Sara suggested and then meet up in a few weeks to discuss it.

The three of us are also hoping to go to the Naomi Nye reading at the Loft this fall. One of our creative writing professors is friends with Naomi and when Sara was in San Antonio a while ago, they met up at the insistence of our former prof. Sara says she now gets really random and nice e-mails from Naomi. Kelly, the high school teacher among us, said, "Naomi is in the textbook I use for classes!" How cool will it be to meet her?

I'm being kind of anti-social tonight. Alex invited me out to his cabin with Andrea and Chris, but I just wanted to stay in my air conditioned basement and watch more of "A Fine Romance." I'm slupring down a frappucino, listening to Mozart, pondering the meaning of all the papers piled half a foot high on my desk.

Is it any wonder?

Went by S's house to drop off some raspberries. Our garden is going crazy with them, and we still have a bunch frozen from last year. Grandma Dolores was there, about to be picked up for a luncheon on the other end of town, and we chatted for a bit. I missed stopping by there when I was so busy with school. She was really pleased to see me, and I was glad to see her looking healthy and on her feet after her hip surgery a while ago.

After her ride arrived, I played with Zipper the akita for about 15 minutes before I had to leave for work. She's such a playful dog; it really makes me want one of my own. I threw around a knotted piece of rope for a while until Zipper was panting really hard on this warm, sunny day. I got her some fresh, cold water and she lapped at it for a few minutes before I left.

This evening, I have plans to go to meet with some college friends in Maple Grove. Depending upon when I leave and how traffic is, I may stop at a few of the shops near the restaurant (Anthropologie, specifically, since I'm hoping for a new dress for my cousin Matt's wedding in September), then eat something delicious with my old "giggle corner" pals, Kelly and Sara. Should be fun.

Ugh

Sad, just sad. Really disappointed with France, with Zidane especially, but the silver lining is Germany's win over Portugal in yesterday's third place match. Ah, well. I figured Italy would win the whole thing when they killed Germany's chances on Tuesday. Gah.

Finally went to see "The Lake House" with my mom this afternoon after the match. Kind of a sad movie, even though the ending is supposedly happy (although it doesn't make sense chronologially, but whatever).

Andrea called earlier from the Winnipeg Folk Festival, which wraps up today, and apparently she had heat stroke. Poor kid. Her group is heading home tomorrow, so after five days of no Andrea, we'll have her back. Now to wait until the end of July for Cata to get home, the 2nd of August when my cousin Angie comes home from nearly a year in Ecuador, and only something like 88 days until S returns...

Hello to any and all of my readers

Thanks to my stat counter, I can now see how people are getting to my blog (mostly via comments I've made on others blogs, which is cool to see), and which countries they are coming from. I've gotten a few hits from Australia, a couple from Japan, the Netherlands, etc. Give a shout out if you're stopping by!

Incomparable job perks

The perks of being a library employee are many, and make other aspects of the job (lack of raises based on good performance, low technology budgets, etc.) bearable and actually almost worth it. A short list of those unexpected but delightful perks of my current library job:

Being able to listen to music while doing check-in and distribution (this includes iPods)
Casual dress (jeans, sandals, t-shirts all acceptable)
The buffet table (people bring in treats, we eat them, enough said)
Seeing all the library's collection and having access to it, fine free (hey, there's got to be compensation for being an underfunded system!)
And my personal favorite: awesome coworkers (really, truly friendly, smart people)

You are what you love

Had fun making my Pollock-style painting but had to play around a bit to figure out how to move the mouse in order to get the shapes I wanted. Would be nice to be able to change the colors, but still cool.

I'm liking my weekend which started on Wednesday (Thursday/Fridays I'm off every other week). Laid in the pool for a while but it got overcast. Watched the 1970 version of "Wuthering Heights" this morning. Had some hot dogs for lunch. Started another book this afternoon ("A Country Affair" by Rebecca Shaw) after finishing two this week already (" Living on Air" by Anna Shapiro and "Koyal Dark, Mango Sweet" by Kashmira Sheth). Reading short books for pleasure is one of the best ways to spend a summer.

Fewer than 100 days until S can come back. He told me last night, "I can't wait to see you, Beth" and I said, not unkindly, "Well, you'll have to."

A good time for all

Andrea and Emily enjoying their Freeze-pops. Lots more photos at flickr.

I really like being called sugarplum

At work today, we started scanning the entire collection. It's a daunting task, but it's something many libraries do constantly, on an ongoing basis, a shelf or two each day, every day, then starting over again at the beginning—000 to 999, FIC A to FIC Z. A couple of my coworkers and I got into a really good groove and were able to get a good chunk done, except that there are so many more shelves to go, it's almost unbelievable. I have yet to decide if I will volunteer to work next Sunday when the library is closed in order to partake of the scanning party (treats provided). What else have I got to do?

S has promised me a letter, a real letter from him, not a postcard or a note scrawled and put into a bubble envelope with disposable cameras to have photos developed. He called tonight and said he failed to finish it and send it, but that's okay with me. I know he will succeed eventually, and it will be lovely, because it's from him.

Really looking forward to the Fourth of July party at our house tomorrow. Andrea and I procured some special treats for the day (I promise flickr photos in abundance) and tomorrow night there is going to be the largest fireworks display central Minnesota has ever seen, at the Mississippi. We've got lots of family invited, raspberry Jell-o will be present and accounted for, and you can bet that even though I don't exactly feel comfortable with what's going on politically, I will be wearing plenty of red, white and blue.

And I didn't pay for either of them

Went to see "The Devil Wears Prada" with my mom this afternoon. Entertaining, pretty funny. Then my dad wanted to see "A Prairie Home Companion," and I was somehow invited along with my parents, so also saw that. Also entertaining, very charming. Theatres 1 and 18 of the Parkwood 18 were graced with my presence in one day. There's lots to do in central Minnesota, let me tell you.

Oh hey, this is fun

World Cup dream team. Nice photos of all the most attractive players.

Me enjoying sports?

I'm kind of intrigued by the Tour de France scandal. I also am somewhat excited about the World Cup, which isn't completely unlike me, just a little out of the realm of normal. I don't go in for baseball or American football. I don't get into the U.S. professional sports teams, but I do love the Olympics with a passion unbending. I watched the France v. Brazil game today and was pretty pleased at the outcome. I'm a little split over wanting a South American country to win (for Cata's sake) and wanting Germany to win (because I am part German, and also I think the Germans winning the Cup in Deutschland would be sweet for them). I'm so totally going to plunk down and watch Tuesday's goings on.

Meaningful lyrics

Some really cheesy love songs I really actually like:

"When You Say You Love Me" Josh Groban
"You're Still You" Josh Groban
"Someday" Chloë Agnew
"Blame It On My Youth" Jamie Cullum

And some less cheesy songs that remind me of S:

"Something About Us" Daft Punk
"Soul Meets Body" Death Cab for Cutie
"I Wouldn't Miss It For The World" Jonathan Rice
"All Is Full of Love" Björk

Getting used to the idea

At the library where I work, we are doing away with grace periods and allowing two renewals as long as there are no holds on an item. We are also instituting self pick up of holds in about two weeks. All these changes may be difficult for some to get used to, but I'm excited. Change is good, keeps us fresh. I tend to frame it for patrons as, "There is a benefit to this, and while it may seem weird, you have time to get used to the idea."

It's one of those techniques I sometimes use to psych myself up for something. Well, it seems good in a logical way, I think. Or, hey, it makes sense from this angle. Or even, wow, the possibilities in that scenario are greater than in the current one. Only time and faith will tell.

ENFP and ENFJ

I hadn't talked to S since early Sunday morning when he called last night. I was hanging out with Simon, Eve, Andrea and Chris in St. Paul, chatting about how awesome Simon and Eve's wedding reception was, and S called.

When I don't talk to S for a few days, I lose perceptive abilities and focus on making black and white judgement calls. It's the differences in our Myers-Briggs styles, so talking to S today really helped me sort out how I am feeling about my life as of lately. He doesn't need things to be so firmly defined, and he helps me see the many sides of an issue or problem. He's an ENFP to my ENFJ, and I love him for it.

Internal dialogue

I'm either looking at some major decision making ahead, or at things staying exactly the same. I'm not even sure what I really want, but I am open to anything. I see the positive ramifications of everything. My instinct tells me to go with it. My intuition tells me to resist change. My intuition could be wrong.

Mostly, I know what I want. Mostly, I know I want to be with S and have a vacation sometime in the next six months. Mostly, I want to keep up with graduate school and see what life hands me, what God blesses me with next.

Impressed

I'm really impressed with Sundance since my ring showed up this morning (see previous post) and I selected the cheapest shipping option possible. The ring itself might be a little small for this finger, but I'll wear it today and see how it goes. I'm sure an exchange of sizes would also go quickly and smoothly.

Last week of my first grad class

I've been eyeing some jewelry lately of a certain type but those decisions can't be made until months from now, so I made a decision. After each grad school class I complete, I'm going to buy myself a little bauble as a reward. What's my reward for completing LIS 701?

Circlet of pearls ring from the Sundance catalog. Most of their wares are ridiculously overpriced, but the jewelry, especially the sterling silver things, aren't bad. I ordered it sized for my left index finger, since I already wear a ring on my right ring finger (a Th. Marthinsen Norwegian sterling silver lily).

Maggie and me at the wedding

IMG_9077.JPG, originally uploaded by rubybeth.

While all the other photo-taking was happening, me and Maggie got to hang out. Flower girl and personal attendant, taking a break. Fun times.

More photos are on my Flickr page.

With fingernails that shine like justice

My legs are sore from dancing at Simon and Eve's wedding reception last night, but it was worth it. DJ Andrea Danger played lots of fun music, and I got to hang out with cousins and the couple's friends and eat good food (pasta) and cheesecake (chocolate). Cata and I came home afterward to sleep in our own beds, and my parents and Andrea stayed in the hotel one more night.

The wedding itself was a success, and I ran around getting bouquets and finding people and being the personal attendant to the bride. Helped do the flower girl's hair (my cousin Maggie). My vocal solo also went well, received many compliments even though I was rather nervous. Snuck out of the church near the end in order to be ready to bustle Eve's gown and hold her bouquet while she shook hands and got hugs. Somehow cut my finger on my own corsage and bled a little on the ribbon from her flowers, but got it cleaned up and to the reception in time.

I am so totally having a small wedding, having a destination wedding far away, or eloping.

Remind me to elope

I'm going to leave in about an hour and a half for Simon and Eve's wedding rehearsal in Edina. I feel pretty well-prepared for singing in the wedding on Saturday thanks to practicing with my friend from work, Marissa. We also dorked around and sang Josh Groban songs and classic songs from movies like "Moon River," which was a good time. It reminded me of hanging out with my cousin Angie and doing Ben Folds Five sing-alongs with her on piano and both of us botching the lyrics.

My family should be home from vacation any moment now by my calculations. I've missed having them around, missed their company and laughter and smells of cooking and even their noise. I haven't missed their noise after 11pm, though, or while I've tried to study. I haven't missed having phone calls interrupted or being awoken in the morning by the lawn mower. But I have missed my parents and my sister and my exchange student. I like living with people I love who love me.

Feeling okay about taking a few days off from working on homework. I've got my component of our group's panel presentation together, I've got the last assignment done, and I've got an idea of what I'm going to write for my final essay. This means I will also feel probably okay taking Sunday afternoon to go to a coworker's graduation party. Party down.

Irrational fears

When I drive through the tunnels in Minneapolis/St. Paul, I always feel somewhat claustrophobic and nervous, like I'm going to crash and die like Princess Diana. It plays into my major irrational fear: being buried alive.

I text messaged S and asked, "What's your greatest irrational fear?" because otherwise he might answer something like, "Failure" and isn't that everybody's major fear?

He called me later and said, "My greatest fear is that the world will end before I can marry you."

Somehow I don't think the world will end anytime soon.

"When I was in library school, some of the people were really nerdy..."

Professor Cathcart told a story last night in class about how she'd thrown a party for other MLIS students when she was getting her degree at the University of Minnesota, and that someone had stood up on a chair and started shouting the differences between Dewey Decimal and Library of Congress. She said she ducked into the kitchen and had a beer (or two, or three...) with her husband and one of their mutual friends, non-library people, in order to survive. "So, watch out!" she told us. Hilarious.

All day I dream about...

With the help of "Let's Go San Francisco," I think I may have discovered the perfect way to further convince S to go to there with me sometime for our first vacation together. On the list of top 25 things to do or see in San Fran, #5 is Muir Woods, where George Lucas filmed "Return of the Jedi."

Score.

Other score of today: I went to Starbucks and ordered a mocha since I was kind of groggy and somewhat sleep deprived after working on homework last night after returning from Eve's bridal shower. When I got to the window and paid for my mocha, another girl asked, "Would you like a free frapuccino?" I hesitated momentarily and asked, "What flavor?" When she said it was coffee, I jumped. I am pretty jazzed on caffeine right now, which makes the back of head feel tight and my throat feel kind of squinky, but man am I awake!

At work on a Monday morning

I decided that I did not need to try to cram all my work hours this week into the beginning of the week, and have instead opted out of Eve's bachelorette party and given myself shorter working days for Tuesday and Thursday. My boss has been really good about it, and it's saved me from having to take vacation time. Flexibility is priceless.

I've been trying to save up my vacation time in order to have a real vacation at some point, like flying or taking a train somewhere, possibly with S to some interesting and potentially warm locale. I didn't even have enough time saved up this year to go to our usual family resort vacation, even if I wanted to, and couldn't go anyway because of taking my first grad class. I'm glad I'm in the class, and I'm glad it's almost done, but I am a little sad I couldn't go up to the "the lake" and hang out with my sisters and cousins.

I'm done with work at 1pm, and then I'll grab lunch and relax a little before heading for St. Paul once again...

Someone's thinking of me, and loving me tonight

Ammendment: paper I thought was due Monday is actually due next Monday, June 26. This means I am done with a project exactly one week and two days before it is technically due. New levels of anti-procrastination have been reached by one Beth V. Ringsmuth.

I've come up with some bullet points for my group's panel presentation, but I need to read more of what I've printed out on the PATRIOT Act. Just finished the chapter on privacy in Michael Gorman's book, which had some usable bits in it. Man is he ever opinionated.

Also, I took time out to get a burrito from Chipotle, watched a couple episodes of "A Fine Romance" and took a brief nap. Also, walked around the block and checked on the rabbit. She's still alive. Picked a couple flowers for my desk, listened to some public radio, and now it's nearly 10pm. I think I'll do a bit more reading, probably talk to S again, then sleep.

The house is almost too quiet. By Monday, I won't notice, since I've got work and going to St. Paul each evening until Thursday which is my day to breathe.

In the palm of my hand

I have a little counter on my Dashboard widgets, and it's a countdown to S's last day of work in Alaska. Today marks 110 days until he's done, or it marks 110 days until October 5, which is when he said his last day is. I want him to come back, hang out, find a job he can stand, date him again. This very serious relationship stuff is good, too, but I miss the fun of being with him.

Listening to Dido while it rains and the house is empty. The family left for vacation, and I toil here at my computer, printing articles and reading librarian job descriptions for my paper due Monday. I need to think about my final essay and what I'm going to write in response to the two quotations given us on the first day of class. I may go out to get some coffee or take a nap later, since S called at 4:17 this morning and it took me a while to get back to sleep.

Oh love, oh life!

All the worst times weren't that bad

Today at work, I was exhausted. I had one of those, "I am so excited about life!" things going on last night when I crawled into bed and talked to S. It took quite a while to fall asleep, so I'm guessing I got about 6.5 hours of sleep, if that. Could have been worse, but today just sort of lasted forever, even though I was glad to be at work. I came home and took a nap which wasn't extremely effective, but now I am going to relax, probably watch some British television (got tapes 2-4 of "A Fine Romance" from the library) and maybe work on my group project bullet points before calling it a night.

The house will be all mine for one week starting sometime tomorrow afternoon. I hope I don't get lonely and can enjoy the quietude.

This bird has flown

I'm feeling kind of desperate lately. Desperate for a break, desperate for S. School is ramping up and wrapping up in four more class meetings, and with Simon & Eve's wedding happening next weekend, I'm looking forward to some semblance of a break from the usual. Their reception should be super fun since my own dear sister Andrea is going to be their DJ. DJ Danger Andrea's going to rock the house.

This weekend, I am going to attempt to:
a) practice my solo for the wedding with a real accompanist,
b) do most of the rest of the readings for class,
c) complete bullet points/powerpoint slides for group presentation,
d) complete paper due Monday,
e) begin final essay exam,
f) breathe.

I am in such need of a vacation, but I don't have enough hours saved up, and all I really want is to see S, but the only way to do that would be the volunteer on his work crew. Not exactly a mini-break at a posh hotel, is it? And highly unlikely, since I am not exactly the fun-is-outdoorsy type, let alone the work-in-the-outdoorsy type. S says I can come and work, or we can go somewhere in January. I'm thinking warmth, I'm thinking tropical, I'm thinking hostel, I'm thinking ocean or rainforest.

I never really meant to let it go this far

I meant to get ahead on my homework and readings for class, but I'm kind of falling behind. My goal for tonight is finish this weeks readings, start my next paper, and take some more notes for the final essay. Then I need to do more research for my group's panel presentation on the First Amendment and the PATRIOT Act. Ay dios mio.

S said, "Take it easy. Don't overdo it," to me last night without me even telling him I was getting a bit stressed out by all of this. I'm not sure I could handle two classes in the fall, especially if I take cataloging. I would like to ease into it a bit more, but I'll take what I can get when registration opens up in July.

Upon leaving my aunt and uncle's house...

...there was a plastic action figure type toy on the front stoop. It appeared to be a biblical character—an older man with a beard and a staff.

"It's Moses!" I said to Eve and Simon.

"Ooh, yeah, with the ark," Eve replied.

"Umm..." I said. "That's Noah."

"Oh! Yeah," Eve said, realizing her error. "Hey, I read the Bible."

Zing! Went the strings of my heart

Woke up this morning to an interview on public radio about a tribute concert to Judy Garland at Carnegie Hall, recreating Judy's concert there. Took me forever and a day to figure out that it was Rufus Wainwright doing the concert. I've loved Rufus since I was a junior in high school, the year I discovered so much music, it came back out of my ears. I wish I could go to this concert, but I'm counting on a recording being available someday, via the magic of technology.

My brain capacity

S and I have this ongoing joke that I have a "great memory," and one of the reasons he likes me so much is that I am so good at remembering things. The opposite is true, unfortunately. My sister gets rather upset with me when I can't even seem to remember seeing a certain band when it's made such an impression on her, which is partly why I keep a list. I know this is frustrating for her, but it can't be helped.

Thing is, I have a bad memory for some things, like bands I've seen (apparently) and characters' names in movies and movie plots and people's names and so on. But I have a great memory for other things, namely song lyrics, actors and actresses names, and the chronological placement of events on a calendar. I don't know how many songs I know all the lyrics to, including songs in other languages, but I've been listening to my Beatles playlist for a while now, and I have been able to sing along with just about every one, word for word.

The brain is an amazing thing.

A theory of librarianship

I'm going to St. Cloud State University's Learning Resources Center (a.k.a. library) tomorrow to see the teleconference with outgoing ALA president Michael Gorman on the subject of library education. This is a topic near and dear to me, and while I'm not sure I'm with Gorman on a lot of issues, I think I'm nearer his end of the spectrum when it comes to opinion on education.

I've come up with my own theory of "librarianship" from many years of working in public library settings. More than seven years of experience as a library aide, branch assistant librarian, and now library assistant have formed me, and so has my year and a half as a bookseller for Barnes & Noble. It's a service occupation, it involves other people, and it involves a core set of principles and a skills set and a knowledge set that go beyond just knowing how to find something via Google. Obviously, I am a fan of technology, but I also realize that people—both librarians and library users (borrowers, patrons, whatever they may be called)--are the core of the profession.

Like a flood

I went upstairs at the library today to grab some travel books (a girl can dream, can't she?) and since it's so rare that I get to actually be in the stacks, some memories flooded back to me.

I remembered shelving up there for four hours at a time after I moved home and the library rehired me. I would put away three or four carts full of books, and feel like I had accomplished something, compared to the seemingly useless drudgery of my former editor job.

I remembered the day S wanted to buy his ticket to Alaska and how he seemed terrified and excited beyond all reason. He was using one of the library's internet stations, and I went to check on him and any new developments in the oncoming adventure. Seeing him with that look on his face was priceless, and I was reminded today how incredible he really is.

And bless it, too

Got back from my class a little bit ago. Drove through practically a flash flood, but still managed to get home earlier than expected, based on the fact that I stopped for gas in St. Paul, Burger King in Maple Grove, and was only driving 40mph for a stretch between Elk River and Monticello. I think this means I have a bit of a speeding problem. Further proof:

I was also very nearly late to class again tonight, but it was worth it. I wanted to visit S's grandma Dolores and his mom, Paula, and I had baked banana bread this morning and made a little loaf to bring over along with photos from Alaska. So I went over and got to talking with Paula and didn't leave their house until close to 4:30—yikes!

When I got into Coeur de Catherine, the building which houses the Masters of Library and Information Sciences program, I practically ran down to the classroom, then checked my watch. It was only 5:57, so I breathed a sigh of relief, and saw another classmate heading down the stairs. I waved, and he said, "If I keep up this pace, I won't be the latest one," and then he held the door for me. Ahh, the relief of being on time.

Sights and sounds calling from far away

This page of personality surveys is kind of weirdly fun. A woman whose blog I read helps run it, or deals with the data from it, or something? Not totally sure, but she's a grad student in NYC, and she admits that she is 28 and has no idea what's she's doing, which is comforting in a way.

Cata and I just finished watching "Bridget Jones's Diary: The Edge of Reason," and I had to kind of describe British politics during the scene where one of Mark Darcy's lawyer buddies, Horatio, says that he doesn't support charitible giving. S called during the middle of my attempt, and I asked him, being a former political science student, what's the difference between Tories and Labour? He gave me a slightly better grasp of things, which I then relayed to Cata, who ultimately probably doesn't care at all. But we both enjoyed the movie, and it made us wistful and happy at the same time.

Speaking of S and Bridget Jones, apparently he was playing Trivial Pursuit the other night and managed to continue a winning streak with his knowledge of chick lit. The question was something like, "What novel by Helen Fielding started the chick lit craze?" and he knew that he knew the answer. When he said Bridget Jones, everyone was amazed, and he brushed it off, saying, "My girlfriend's a librarian." Well, not quite, but it's easier than actually explaining what I do and that I'm in school.

Went shopping today with Cata and spent too much on new shorts, but c'est la vie! Fluctuation of clothing sizes is annoying and expensive. I'm trying to get my daily dose of vitamins (in pill form) and fat (in ice cream form) but I think it's really a combination of things causing me to eat less overall and eat healthier food when I do eat. Not wasting away, just a little lovesick.

The story of a marriage

I started reading The Complete Book of Claudia by Rose Franken a few days ago. When people see me with it, all 1,211 pages of it, the responses have been, "Business or pleasure?" and "Are you reading a dictionary?"

But it's good, really it is. Claudia is young and in love and married to a man she adores (David), which is something I need right now. Not a romance novel in the regular sense, not a Chick Lit book with some happy ending cliche, and not a "My Best Friends Wedding" style tale of true love with no resolution. Just an honest portrait of a woman who is happy with her choices, happy with family and the kinds of adventure that brings.

Plus, I really need to read something that isn't about library science...

Que shiraz

Got some Cold Stone ice cream once I got off work at 9 PM. Ate all of a Love It size, half chocolate, half coffee with toasted almonds, then brushed my teeth just now. Except there was a hair on my toothbrush. And I only noticed after I'd put it in my mouth. It was probably my hair, but still. Worst places to have a hair: toothbruth, food, and between breasts in a shirt you can't discreetly reach into.

This may sound really lame, but...

Sometimes the realization that everything, absolutely everything is in God's hands, just hits me square in the face. I don't know how to grasp it when something possibly absolutely amazing happens, and I know it's not up to me to decide or something is totally out of my power. It's in God's power.

I'm thankful, so thankful for all of my blessings, the blessing of a job I love, family who support me, a wonderful boyfriend, blessings God has heaped upon me in the last seven months. I just pray for grace and God's good timing, and know that everything will work out if I can surrender to the higher power.